The Secret
by newhillbilly
Summary: Title: The Secret Characters/Pairings: Spock/Uhura Rating: PG Disclaimer: I don’t own anything Summary: Nyota finds out about something Spock neglected to mention... A/N: Thank you to the magnificent mirandariver author of NAR who beta'd
1. Chapter 1

"Geez, Spock! How long has it been since graduation?" his old roommate wondered, "Five, six years?"

"It has been five years and four months since our commencement ceremony," he replied.

Although Robert Hassan had roomed with Spock for all four years of their Starfleet training, they hadn't kept in touch since. Lieutenant Hassan 's temporary visit to the Enterprise afforded the two schoolmates a chance to catch up.

"It is good to see you again, Bob." Spock remarked.

Bob sensed that Spock had changed for the better since their time in school. He seemed.. warmer, somehow. More open. The two of them had never been extremely close, but you learn a lot about someone when you live with them for that long, and he liked the changes he was seeing.

"Why don't we meet for lunch after my rotation?" Lieutenant Hassan offered.

"That would be satisfactory," he replied.

---

"Aghh!! You wouldn't believe the day I've had, Spock!" Lieutenant Uhura said as she plopped down with her tray in hand. "I blew a circuit in my communication console, and I have gotten nowhere with the repairs since this morning."

"I would suggest you first inspect the repairs performed by your colleagues while you were off-shift.", Spock offered. "You may find their soldering skills unequal to yours. However, I have no doubt that you will be successful in resolving this problem, regardless of how you choose to approach it," he added, with nearly imperceptible tenderness.

Imperceptible to all but Nyota. She smiled warmly at Spock.

Their moment was interrupted as they were approached by a man unfamiliar to Nyota.

"There you are!" Lieutenant Hassan addressed Spock. "May I join you?"

"Of course," Spock replied, tilting his head. "We had, in fact, made plans to join one another for lunch, if you recall our earlier conversation."

Lieutenant Hassan restrained himself from laughing. "Right. Anyway…"

Spock turned to Nyota, "Allow me to introduce Lieutenant Uhura, our Chief Communications Officer. Lieutenant, this is Robert Hassan , my roommate from my time at Starfleet Academy. Lieutenant Hassan is here on temporary assignment to assist Lieutenant Commander Scott with the warp engine retrofit."

"Pleased to meet you, Lieutenant," replied Nyota, cheerfully.

"Likewise, Lieutenant Uhura," Hassan responded, smiling. He couldn't help but notice that the Chief Communications officer was a very attractive woman.

"Lieutenant Hassan 's skills are highly specialized, and his assistance was specifically requested by Lieutenant Commander Scott," Spock added, as Lieutenant Hassan waved the compliment aside.

"So, you were roommates for some time, then!" Nyota said to both men. She turned to Spock with teasing offense, "I'm surprised you've never mentioned Lieutenant Hassan before."

"Please, call me Bob," Lieutenant Hassan insisted.

Spock interrupted. "There was never any reason for Lieutenant Hassan to come up in conversation."

"Please. This is Spock." Bob said to Nyota while grinning, "He's hardly the sentimental type." He speared a fry with his fork and continued, "I don't take it personally."

Nyota stole a sideways glance in Spock's direction. Spock met her gaze momentarily.

Is he flustered? Bob wondered to himself. These two seem awfully close, actually…

"Well, anyway," Bob continued, "I'm sure he's lightened up a lot since school. Now that he's spent more time around humans."

Was that a faint smirk on Lieutenant Uhura's face? Hmmm......

"Indeed, Lieutenant," Spock looked in Bob's direction, "Acclimation is a natural result of immersion. However, I believe the degree to which I may have 'lightened up', in your opinion, would in no way approach the standard set by you while we were at the Academy together."

Bob laughed out loud. "That's true!" He turned to Nyota, "I got into so much trouble back then. And I told him all about it, whether he wanted to hear it or not!"

Nyota reluctantly interrupted their banter, "Man... I have to get back to the bridge. I only had time for a ten minute break. I'm having a hell of a shift."

"Well, it was lovely meeting you," Bob replied as she got up to leave.

"It was nice to meet you, too, Bob." Nyota responded. "We'll have to get together later so you can tell me all about what Spock was like all those years ago!" She turned to Spock and winked. This time Spock did not react.

Amused and curious, Bob tilted his head. "I may have to do that before I leave, Lieutenant!" And with that, Nyota took her leave of them.

Bob slowly turned back to Spock and stared with an amused expression on his face. After a few moments, Spock asked, "Did you have a question Lieutenant?"

Awww, what the hell, Bob thought to himself. "So… Is Lieutenant Uhura your girlfriend?"

Spock considered this very personal query. Although he had considered Bob an adequate roommate, Spock had rarely shared personal details of his life with him. They had been more friendly acquaintences than friends. Furthermore, Bob was extremely indiscreet. This tendency had clearly not lessened over the years. Nevertheless, Spock knew that Lieutenant Hassan was not a malicious person, and there had always been a mutual respect between them.

"Lieutenant Uhura and I are engaged in a personal relationship," he replied, finally.

"I can't believe it, Spock!" Bob exclaimed. "She's your girlfriend!" He slapped himself on the forehead, shaking his head. "You Vulcans win at everything!"

Spock wondered if he'd said too much.

Bob pushed his plate to the side and leaned in, "And I have to say, my friend, she is…" he sucked air through his teeth and stared into space for a bit, never quite finishing his thought.

Spock immediately regretted his candor. "Indeed," he replied, with a forced calm.

---

Two days later, Nyota finally found a few minutes to relax. Spock was still on duty, so she decided to take advantage and give herself some alone time. The observation deck was so peaceful and quiet. Gazing out at the stars reminded her of home, somehow. Of years spent gazing up at the cosmos, dreaming of all the life forms out there, all the languages they spoke…

"Lieutenant Uhura!" came a voice from behind. Nyota turned around.

"Bob! So nice to see you again!" she responded, smiling, "Please. Call me Nyota."

"Well, Nyota." Bob smiled back, "I believe you wanted some information from me, about you-know-who." He winked at her.

"Indeed I do!" Nyota responded, her eyes widening. "Please, have a seat."

They chatted for some time, Bob telling her story after story about Spock's gradual adaptation to life among humans.

Nyota could tell that, although Bob immensely enjoyed teasing Spock, it was done in an affectionate way, and there was an underlying respect and admiration for her partner.

"So.." Bob interjected after recovering from a fit of laughter, "How long have you two been going out?"

"Ah. So you know about us, do you?" her eyes were bright as she said this. She knew Spock well enough to know that Bob must have dragged it out of him.

"Well, yes." Bob replied. "It's pretty obvious. You two were rather affectionate with each other the other day. I mean… you know. For Spock."

Nyota threw her head back and laughed. "I guess you would know him better than most, wouldn't you?"

"Anyway, I couldn't help but notice that Christine Chapel is assigned to this ship," he replied with obvious curiosity and concern.

"Yes," Nyota replied, confused as to what this had to do with anything. "She and I are good friends."

"Isn't it weird, though?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, you're right," Bob responded. "It's been a long time she and Spock were together."

Nyota didn't know how to react. Was Bob telling her that her Spock and her friend Christine had been together romantically at some point? Why didn't either of them say anything?

The only indication of her inner turmoil was a fraction of a pause.

"Yeah.. You're right." Was all she could say.

"Man, I gotta hand it to you." Bob responded. "I would not be able to work with someone that I knew slept with my girlfriend."

That was the last straw. If Nyota was going to conceal her shock, she would need to get out of there. Soon.

"Bob, it was so nice talking to you, but I actually have to get going," She stated with as little emotion as she could manage.

Bob immediately sensed he had hit a sore spot. "Ok Nyota, I'll see you later, then," he responded as she got up to leave. Great job, loudmouth, he thought, wanting to kick himself. He had been enjoying their conversation.

Only when she had gotten several paces from the door of the observation deck did Nyota allow herself to hyperventilate.


	2. Chapter 2

Nyota wandered aimlessly through the hallways. Where do I go? What do I do? She thought to herself, as her world crumbled around her. How could she begin to deal with this emotional overload? Perhaps she should try the meditation techniques she'd learned from Spock... Spock.

She knew his shift would be ending within the hour. The only way she could make sense of this was by confronting Spock. Besides.. maybe it wasn't true. How could it be? Why would he ever keep something like this from her, as she worked alongside and befriended his supposed ex… fling? girlfriend? There had to be a reasonable explanation.

---

Spock's shift was over, and he looked forward to spending time with Nyota for the first time in several days. Seeing Lieutenant Hassan had brought back memories of a time that had had its difficulties. Considered too human on his own planet, it seemed he was not human enough at Starfleet Academy.

Nyota, on the other hand, accepted him exactly as he was, and without trying to, helped him become a better person. He cherished her in ways he often found difficult to express.

As Spock tapped in his pass code, he decided that he would shower and then seek Nyota's current location.

When he entered, he was surprised to see her already sitting on his bed. She was clearly upset.

"Nyota, what is wrong?" He tilted his head quizzically and started towards her.

"Spock..." she couldn't get the words out.

"Yes, Nyota?" He was standing above her, unable to discern the source of her distress.

"Did you have.." Nyota swallowed, barely able to contain herself, "an affair with Christine Chapel?"

Spock felt his fingers turn to ice. The look on his face was enough to answer her question--a slight grimace, a combination of shock and guilt.

"You DID!" Nyota shouted. "I can't believe it! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" She struggled past him, her face hot and wet with newly formed tears.

She turned to face him. "How could you not tell me this? Oh, my God--you had sex with my friend!" Nyota clutched her temples and squinted.

Nyota paused, then opened her eyes. Spock's face was an expressionless mask, but his eyes betrayed a hint of conflict.

"Well?" She demanded, becoming more and more agitated with his silence. "Don't you have anything to say to me?"

He stared at her with the full intensity of his dark brown eyes. What he said next was delivered calmly, and carefully.

"What happened between Nurse Chapel and myself occurred before you and I had become acquainted. It is private, and I do not wish to discuss it."

Silence..

"Private?" Nyota shouted back. "As in, just between the two of you?" She was horrified. "How can you say that to me?"

Spock simply stared. He could not speak.

"That's it then? Nothing?" Her self-control was slipping. "This is ridiculous!" She shouted. "I am so disgusted with you right now. Apparently, it's too much to expect you to care about how I feel."

She spat out the following words as she turned sharply on her feet.

"I guess you're just too damned Vulcan."

She was gone.

Spock winced. He stood still, paralyzed.

He breathed, centered himself, and made a bee line for sick bay.

---

Nyota somehow made it to her own quarters. Sitting on the floor with her knees to her chest, she simply stared ahead, seething, wanting to cry her eyes out.

She'd loved Spock so much, and for so long. Why didn't he tell her about this? And why was he refusing to talk about it now?

A single tear trickled down her cheek. And then there was Christine. She's seen him naked! She's touched him! she winced. Does he think about her, in that way? Has he compared me to her when we're...

She had to stop this train of thought. Jealousy does not become you, Nyota, she thought to herself.

After sobbing quietly for a time, she was able to calm herself a bit.

There was only one way she was going to understand this situation better.

Nyota would have to confront Christine and see what she had to say.

---

When Nyota entered sickbay, she found not only the woman she was looking for, but someone she didn't want to see--Spock. At first glance, she could see him standing straight as an arrow with his hands clasped behind his back. Christine stood with her arms crossed. The two maintained a respectful, professional distance.

They both looked grave, Spock glaring at the floor, and Christine staring off into the distance.

When they noticed Nyota walk into the room, they snapped out of their reveries and started towards her.

"Christine," Nyota called out, calmly but with an edge. "I need to talk to you about something."

"Nyota," Spock interrupted, some emotion finally seeping into his voice.

"NO." Nyota put on her brave face. "I do NOT wish to speak to you."

"Commander," Christine pleaded with as much professional reserve as she could muster. "She needs to know."

Spock did not want this, but he could see that there was no way to stop it.

Reluctantly, he replied, "Very well. I will leave you alone." He gazed at Nyota as he walked toward the door, and she angrily refuse to meet his eyes.

"Nyota." Christine spoke gently, apologetically. "Please, come to my quarters, and let me explain."


	3. Chapter 3

"No thank you," Nyota replied curtly when Christine offered her something to drink.

This is going to be awkward, Christine thought to herself as she sat at the opposite end of the couch.

After an uncomfortable silence, Christine gazed at Nyota earnestly, "I just.. want to say that.. you are my friend, I care about you, and I never meant to hurt you."

Nyota remained unimpressed.

"I never wanted it to be made public what occurred between Spock and me," Nyota winced as Christine said this, "Especially after he and I were assigned to the same ship, and even more so when I realized you two were together." Continuing, she said, "I don't know how on earth you found out about it, but now that you have, I'd like you to understand the circumstances."

At this point, Nyota wasn't sure she wanted to hear the gory details, but she knew that if she didn't sit through this, imagining the possibilities would be torture. "Fine. Please explain," she responded flatly.

"I had some classes with Spock throughout our years at Starfleet. He was the only Vulcan most of the students had ever met." Christine started, "It was so hard for him to relate to those around him, or to be understood. He was so.. alien."

Nyota wondered where this was going.

"It's just that he was so serious all the time, and so blunt," she continued. "He offended others easily, and they reacted by shunning him, and making fun of him behind his back." Christine's face darkened at the memory. "I don't think that he had any friends for some time."

"At one point, we took a required inter-species history class together, and I was assigned as his project partner. He seemed very unfriendly at first, but after a time, I began to see that he just didn't know how to make small talk," she continued. "I began to admire his intelligence and efficiency, and I also felt that there was something more behind the serious front he put up all the time."

Christine continued carefully, "I also noticed how handsome he was," Nyota cringed as she said this, "So of course, I developed a mild crush on him after a time. That's as close as I got to him for a while, and I would run into him from time to time and chat a little bit about purely academic subjects, but that's as far as it went for some time."

"Then one day, midway through our fourth year" Christine started as she got to the point, "I noticed that there was something wrong with him. He just looked... ill. And less impassive, somehow. As a nursing student, I tried to think of what could be wrong, but I needed more information. It was very startling for me to see him this way."

"So I found out where his dorm room was, and tried to visit him there. He wasn't there when I dropped by, but his roommate was, so I asked him all sorts of questions about Spock. He told me that Spock had been irritable, and seemed... emotional." Nyota's eyes widened with curiosity, "And he'd noticed Spock's hands shaking!"

"What was wrong with him?" Nyota asked, startled.

"Well, that's what I wanted to find out." Christine replied, "Oh, if you knew how much research I had to do on Vulcan physiology.. Fortunately, as a nursing student, I had connections and I knew someone who knew someone who had once gotten access to the Vulcan Science Academy libraries."

Christine asked Nyota, "So, I'm guessing you don't know about Pon Farr, correct?" She shook her head. "I'm not surprised. Vulcans are extremely secretive about their mating practices."

"Mating practices?" Nyota exclaimed. Is this another thing Spock's been keeping from me? she wondered to herself.

"Yes." Christine continued, "Every seven years, Vulcan males go into heat and must take a mate.. or they will die." Nyota was stunned to hear this. "Typically, they are betrothed at age seven to a female, but apparently Spock's 'fiancée' didn't really want to have anything to do with him due to his being half human."

Nyota was familiar with the situation with T'Pring. It seemed racism did not escape even this supposedly advanced species. Wait--how did Christine know about T'Pring?

"Once I knew all the facts," Christine continued, "I went back to Spock's dorm and found him there alone. Apparently, he'd been meditating. He didn't want to be bothered, but I told him I knew what was happening to him. He was extremely embarrassed, but it seemed like his emotional control had broken down considerably, and amazingly enough, I did get him to talk to me. Nyota, he was shaking like a leaf. It was awful. I pulled out my tricorder and found that his hormone levels were dangerously high. It was so frightening. I asked him as gently as I could if he had tried to find a mate, and he explained that his fiancée back on Vulcan wasn't interested in him and that the feeling was mutual. I could tell that he had acted out of a sense of pride, and believed he could weather the situation on his own. I asked him if he'd considered finding someone here, and he said something to the effect of not knowing anyone, of not having any friends."

She continued, "At this point, he became more agitated and asked me to allow him to continue his meditation. I had my doubts, but I allowed him his space. But before I left, I asked him to please contact me once a day to let me know his status, or that I'd come looking for him again."

Nyota let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding.

"The next day, he left me a message telling me not to visit him, telling me he did not require my assistance. The day after that, he showed up at my apartment. He looked like hell, much worse than when I'd last seen him."

"I let him in, sat him down, and he put his hands over his face. He simply said to me, 'I cannot... I cannot..'"

Christine paused, continuing softly. "And that was it. He stayed with me for three days straight until he was better again."

Christine stared at Nyota with concern in her eyes, as Nyota looked at the floor, shocked. Nyota was grateful for having been spared the gory details of those three days. She didn't know how to feel. So she said the first thing that came to mind, just to end the silence, "So what happened between you two after that?"

"It was very... uncomfortable for him to have gotten involved with me so intimately," Christine continued carefully, "And, honestly, it was awkward for me, too. By mutual consent, we decided to keep the incident to ourselves. We went to our classes and acted like nothing had happened, and we never spoke of it again until now."

Nyota was numb.

"Nyota," Christine asked, "Please tell me who told you. How did you find out about this?"

"Robert Hassan is here on temporary assignment," she replied.

"Who?"

"His old roommate."

Christine was stunned. Spock's stupid roommate must have noticed that she'd been contacting Spock that week--perhaps the only woman to call on Spock ever--noticed that Spock had left for three days and come back miraculously relaxed, and put two and two together. What an ass, she thought to herself.

Nyota got up to leave.

"Wait.." Christine pleaded with her, "What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know," Nyota closed her eyes, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose.

"But.. now that you know what happened, aren't you going to talk to Spock about it?"

"Listen.." Nyota started, "Intellectually, I think I understand what happened here. But Spock should have been willing to discuss it with me. And still. Even if I understand why it happened, knowing that you and he…" Nyota pressed her eyelids closed. "I just need a moment."

Christine was silent, and Nyota left.

**A/N: I've seen the idea before in a couple of fics that I like (Tag You're It! and Miscommunication, to name two), where Spock spends Pon Farr at the Academy with Nurse Chapel. I was intrigued by this and wanted to explore it further. Typically, she is portrayed as an evil witch bent on getting in between our Favorite Couple. This, in addition to her portrayal in TOS as totally and pathetically love-struck led me to develop an irrational hatred of the Nurse Chapel character. This fiction is my way of dealing with that. I wondered... how would Christine behave if she had more self-respect? Anyway, when this is done I may do a one-off story from her point of view. Perhaps she is more attached to Spock than she lets on here?**


	4. Chapter 4

Nyota tread numbly through the hallways, intent on hiding out in her room. This was all... too much.

"Nyota! There you are!" Lieutenant Hassan called out to her. She was not in the mood to socialize.

"Hey Bob," she replied flatly.

"I'm taking off tomorrow morning. Do you and Spock wanna catch a bite in the mess hall?"

"No thanks," Nyota responded indignantly. The last thing she wanted to do right now was see Spock or Spock's old roommate.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Bob asked her, gently.

Moved by Bob's sincerity, and her own pent-up feelings, she paused, then responded, "It's just.. what you told me, about Christine.. I didn't know."

Bob's face turned ashen. "Oh, God!" he exclaimed as he smacked himself on the forehead. It suddenly dawned on him why he'd made her so uncomfortable before. "I am so sorry, Nyota."

"It's not your fault. They shouldn't have kept it from me in the first place."

"Are you and Spock okay?" he asked her.

"Well, we got into a fight about it," she replied, remembering their unhappy exchange.

Bob looked away for a second or two, considering the situation he'd inadvertently caused. Before Nyota had a chance to run off, he responded, "Come with me."

"What?" she asked him.

"Please. I need to tell you some things about Spock. Just... come with me."

Too rattled to fight about it, she followed.

---

Luckily, the observation deck was empty.

"As you know, I was roommates with Spock for four years," he began. And I happen to know that Spock thought I was very… flighty. And, compared to him, that's definitely true," he chuckled, "but I have excellent powers of observation, especially when it comes to someone I lived in close proximity with for so long."

Nyota was curious to see where this was going.

"There are a few things you need to understand about Spock," Bob continued, seriously. "Even though I constantly give him crap, he is one of the best people I've ever known, when it comes down to character."

"First of all, he always treated me with respect, he always helped me when I asked for it, and I knew that I could always trust him to attempt to do the right thing no matter what," Bob explained.

"Second, everybody thinks that Spock, with this Vulcanness and whatnot, never makes stupid mistakes. Yes he's strong, yes he's mentally disciplined and brilliant or whatever, but he's not perfect."

"I know Bob, but... I don't understand why he would put me in this position. He should have told me before."

"Yes, probably. But he undoubtedly kept this from you because he cares about you so much that he would do anything to protect you from being hurt. I know that he has that Vulcan emotional control and whatever, but I could tell... The guy was lonely for a long, long time. There he was, on a foreign planet, away from family, friends, culture and basically everything that was familiar to him. Everyone he met here thought he was a pompous ass, or a weirdo, or both."

Nyota softened a bit at this perspective.

"The third thing you should know about Spock--if you haven't noticed this already--is that he's extremely private. Kind of like the opposite of me," Bob smiled. "He almost never shared anything with me about himself. It was infuriating. The fact that he's able to maintain a relationship with a human woman is amazing to me, only because that means he's opened up, at least a little."

Pausing for emphasis, he continued, "Anyway, Spock is just trying his best. Always. When it comes to science or space or numbers, or whatever, he's gonna be right on, every time. When it comes to interpersonal relationships..." he bobbed his head a few times, "maybe not so much."

Nyota smiled at this. Yes, he was right about that, she realized.

"Spock deserves a nice girl who loves him, understands him, and knows that he would never hurt her on purpose. And who can forgive." Bob stopped and gazed at Nyota.

She didn't know what to say. It didn't matter because Bob was about to leave.

He stood up. "Nyota, again, I'm so sorry for opening my big mouth. But you and Spock… you've got something special. I can see that." Nyota bowed her head. "I'll catch you later, ok?" And at that, he walked out the door.

---

Nyota sat in silence, and allowed her breathing to deepen. This was a good time for those meditation techniques. She pored over the day's events: her anger, hurt and betrayal, Christine's explanation, and her conversation with Bob.

_It was so hard for him to relate to those around him, or to be understood. He was so.. alien._

_The guy was lonely for a long, long time._

_I guess you're just too damned Vulcan._

Then it suddenly came together. Her mind was calm. She knew what to do next.

---

The ship's computer told her that Spock was in his quarters. When she reached his door, she quietly let herself in.

There he was, meditating in the dark. Spock did not turn around.

"Nyota," he called out, softly.

Spock stared down at his meditation candle.

"I.. regret how I handled this situation. I could not have expected you to be satisfied with my response."

Nyota absorbed his words silently.

"I trust that Nurse Chapel has explained the details of.. my medical condition."

"Yes she did, Spock."

"It is something Vulcans do not discuss, even amongst ourselves." Spock paused for several seconds. "But I realize that as my romantic partner, you must be made aware of certain details of Vulcan biology, especially given the likelihood that they will affect you personally at some point."

He gave his head a half-turn, so that she could see his profile haloed in the candlelight. "I admit that I was in error for concealing my encounter with Nurse Chapel. I did not wish to cause you distress, and I did not wish to talk about about Pon Farr, discussion of which, as I mentioned, is a cultural taboo for my people."

"I see." Nyota replied, softly. "I mean.. I understand."

After a pause, she spoke up again, "Spock?"

He turned his body around to face her. They were only a few feet apart, the candlelight barely highlighting their features. "Yes, Nyota?"

She gazed down at him earnestly. "About what I said earlier.. It was said in anger. I did not mean to disparage you for being Vulcan."

Spock stood up and took Nyota's hands in his. "Yes. I understand this," he responded softly.

He leaned his forehead against hers, and they stayed this way for several minutes.

"Spock." Nyota looked up at him with tears forming in her eyes. "Even though I understand what happened, I just... need some time to get over thinking about it."

"Yes. I know." He held her close and allowed her tears to fall.

**A/N: I hope that this didn't seem too much like an idiot plot (Spock being the idiot in this case). Spock was simply unprepared to talk about something that 1) was hugely embarrassing to him and 2) he never expected to be revealed, least of all to his romantic partner. Keep in mind that this whole series takes place within a single day, possibly within a few hours. So it doesn't take him long to realize he messed up big time.**

**Also, check out my companion piece, entitled "Christine"**


End file.
